Very bad things can and do happen to us---some we could have controlled and some not. A shocking event that brings us long lasting worry and sorrow can sometimes be very hard to shake off. We may need help getting over personal or community disasters and the best way to do that is get some help to talk through things, and learn how to put them in perspective so we can get on with a healthy life.
- Making contact with others can help reduce feeling of distress.
- Children and teens can benefit from spending time with similar aged peers
- Connections can be with family,friends, or others who are coping with the same traumatic event.
- Options include: spouse, parents, close friend, clergy, doctor or nurse, crisis counselor, support group, teacher, even pet.
- Ways to connect: calling friends or family by phone, getting involved in a support group or community/school recovery program.
- Decide carefully whom to talk to (who you'd trust)
- Decide ahead of time what you want to discuss
- Choose the right time and place
- Ask others if it's a good time to talk
- Start by talking about practical things
- Let others know you need to talk or just be with them
- Talk about painful thoughts and feelings when you're ready
- Tell others you appreciate them listening
- Tell others what you need or how they could help-- like one main thing that would help you right now.
- Keep quiet because you don't want to upset others
- Keep quiet because you're worried about being a burden
- Assume that others don't want to listen
- Wait until you're so stressed or exhausted that you can't fully benefit from help
Becoming a mentor, counselor, advisor, friend
You can help family members and friends cope with the disaster by spending time with them and listening carefully. Most people recover better when they feel connected to others who care about them. Some people may not want to talk about their experiences much but others might. Talking can make it less overwhelming when facing disaster... but others just want to spend time with people they're close to.
Reasons why People may Avoid Social Support
- Not knowing what they need
- Feeling embarrassed or "weak"
- Fearing they will lose control
- Not wanting to burden others
- Doubting it will be helpful or that others will understand
- Having tried to get help but feeling it wasn't there
- Wanting to avoid thinking or feeling about the event
- Assuming that others will be disappointed or judgmental
- Not knowing where to get help.
- Show interest, attention, and care
- Find an uninterrupted time and place to talk
- Be free of expectations or judgments
- Show respect for the person's reactions and ways of coping
- Acknowledge that this time of stress can take time to resolve
- Help brainstorm positive ways to deal with reactions
- Talk about expectable reactions to disasters and healthy coping
- Express belief that the person is capable of recovery
- Offer to talk or spend time together as many times as needed
Behaviors That Interfere with Giving Support
- Rushing to tell someone that he/she will be okay or that they should just 'get over it."
- Discussing your own personal experiences without listening to the other person's story
- Stopping people from talking about what is bothering them
- Acting like someone is wek or exaggerating because he or she isn't coping as well as you are
- Giving advice without listening to the person's concerns or asking the person what works for him or her
When Your Support is Not Enough
- Let the person know that experts think that avoidance and withdrawal are likely to increase distress, and social support helps recovery.
- Encourage the person to get involved in a support group with other who have similar experiences.
- Encourage the person to talk with a counselor, clergy, or medical professional, and offer to accompany them.
- Enlist help from others in your social circle so that you all take part in supporting the person.
* National Child Traumatic Stress Network * National Center for PTSD
Contact this website for training programs related to trauma and disaster
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