Thinking Absolutes

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Do you often say words like ALWAYS, NEVER, EVERYBODY, or NOBODY?

When we are in distress or in conflict, we often begin to think in extremes using"Absolutes" when expressing ourselves. In addition to maintaining our extreme thinking (or catastrophizing), we also use Absolutes to coerce others to support or stances, or to villainize other people.

Absolutes are words that convey extreme thinking, exaggerations, or distortions. Absolutes include words like always, never, best, everyone and no one.


Balanced Statements, on the other hand, are thoughtful considerations. When we act from our Wise Mind, we are most likely to express ourselves using balanced statements. Balanced statements include words like, few, some, sometimes, often, usually, and many.

In recovery, we need to change from extreme thinking to a more balanced approach to living. If we maintain our old ways of thinking, we will act out our old behaviors.


Read the following statements. Rewrite them to reflect more thoughtful, balanced thinking. 

"I'm always messing things up." 

  Your balanced statement instead?

"My counselor never says a nice word to me." 

   Your balanced statement instead? 

"Every time I try something, it doesn't work out."

   Your balanced statement instead?  

"None of the people in this meeting understand what I've been through." 

   Your balanced statement instead? 

"My family never listens to me." 

   Your balanced statement instead? 

 --From DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy with the 12 Steps) - Hazelden Foundation.

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